(no subject)

Went to a League munch last night, spent too much on food that wasn't worth it, but had a nice time with pleasant people. Even while it was going on, was recognizing that I don't allow myself to get as much energy from this activity as I might, but that I have a useful underlying logic for so doing. I have a problem, though, in that I'm not completely implementing that logic. If I'm going to insist on tighter, more emotionally connected relations before I allow myself pleasure from them I need to go out and create those relations.

I'm building *something* with John. Neither of us know what, yet; we're both straight guys, and he's not kinky, so it's not going to relate to any of my historical energy sources. But that doesn't say what it *is* yet, and it might or might not be useful for me to figure that out and hang words on it. For the moment I think of it as growing a comrade.

It's amusing that it's not quite yet six AM and yet I feel like I've already taken a slow and easy morning. This is a good thing; now to shower and get dressed, make lunch, and get to work.